Day 30

Well, this is the last day of the 'test'. It has been an incredible journey; watching myself, my habits over the last thirty days. Quitting smoking is in some ways very simple and in other ways it involves a complete upheaval of the way you think and act. For a smoker, cigarettes are insiduously integral to your life. Meaning: smoking is your girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner. It is always there to reassure you and to nag you!

I had three major lapses over the last thirty days. All involving going near alcohol. With a little hindsight, I would have not had any alcohol until I felt that I was in a 'safety zone' of not thinking about cigarettes being integral with drinking alcohol.

I have had many conversation in this time with people about smoking. Many of my friends are cutting down and quitting right now. Some as a result of reading this blog.

I'll admit, I'm not quite there. Over the next thirty days, I will be looking at Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT) as an option to help the habit. This includes chewing gum and patches. There are other options that include acupuncture and hypnotherapy.

I won't be maintaining this diary on a daily basis now, but I will post my results of alternative treatment I submit myself too. If I find a magic answer - you'll be the first to know!

You may post any comments and questions – I read them all and will offer pointers and advice if I am able (but please remember I am not a doctor and can only offer advice or information based on my own experience).

Don't forget to look at: www.findwillpower.com for more information on NRT as well as events.

I hope you have enjoyed and benefitted from reading this diary as much as I have enjoyed writing about it.

If there is one piece of advice that I can give, it is that stopping smoking takes willpower. You have to really want to quit and think about ways that will help you stay out of danger areas.

Good Luck!

Day 26 - poncing cigarettes

It is the weekend. My epic hangover from Thursday night still lingers. As I write this, (on Sunday) I can see my spectacular downfall. I am so close to the thirty day trial, but I have broken my own '24 hour rule'. I know that this means that I haven't fundamentally broken the smoking habit. My willpower is at the lowest point for a month. Somehow, I have to re-motivate myself and get back on track.

I've been thinking ahead that I should stay well away from pubs, bars and alcohol until I'm really sure that I don't equate a pint of beer with a cigarette. I have been out for the occasional drink and not smoked, but after about two pints, or three glasses of wine, my self discipline seems to vanish and I end up poncing loads of cigarettes of anyone who will give me them. Embarrassing behaviour, indeed.

Day 25 - The hangover

I don't know how many cigarettes I smoked last night. My throat feels like it is full of wire wool and my lungs are burning. That isn't the worst bit though. I feel I've let myself down after doing so well. I think that after all the party preparation, I just wanted to let my hair down and enjoy myself. I could've done that without smoking - or maybe not smoking so much, but I just let the old hard drinking, hard smoking habit come right back. :-(

Day 24 - Mr Kite!

Today is a big day. Tonight is the big party that has been several months in the planning. The party is a circus style event, with rope dancers, Punch & Judy, burlesque and more!

I am taking part in several performances this evening. However, nerves get the better of me and I have a cigarette with a glass of wine to calm myself down. This proves a very bad move as, by the end of the night, I am wandering around asking people for cigarettes.

Day 23 - Day before the big party!

It is the day before the big party. Smoking-wise, I feel a little… doomed. I am already thinking ahead that I will smoke at the party. It isn't a positive thought, but I can't break it. I'm working out a damage limitation plan, but I can't really think of anything - especially with all the preparations taking place today. At least I'm not smoking today!

Day 22 - Running about!

Today I have many errands. In two days time is a big circus event I am involved with. My shopping list includes riding jodpurs, top hats and false moustaches.

All this activity is good for not smoking. I do think about cigarettes occassionally, but just in a way that I am watching myself and not because I actually want one. Being busy with activities is definitely part of the key to not smoking!

Day 21 - driving

I have a '24 hour rule'. That is, if I do smoke whilst on my trial stop smoking, then I must not smoke the next day. That is my only rule.

After my second freefall into Smoketown on Friday, I have comfortably negotiated the rest of the weekend without cigarettes.

Monday feels quite positive. For me it is a time when I can get busy again and away from the party lifestyle - that I really need right now if I am going to stop smoking properly.

However, I had a think over the weekend. As I mention at the beginning of this blog, I enjoy smoking. I really do and that still holds true. Some people turn their noses up at this and say that it is a disgusting, yucky, smelly habit. I agree. I still like it and I don't see how anyone is going to change that!

Here lies a problem. I never want to go back to being a habitual smoker. I am asking myself, can I have the occasional cigarette? Well, that is how I started again when I quit before.

Some of my friends can do this. They have one or two cigarettes at a party and don't smoke for months on end.

This is dangerous ground. I am not fully committed to not smoking. I am committed to not being a habitual smoker - there is big difference.

Day 20 - Well tasty!

I decide to stay in tonight. I have an invite to a party locally, but I know I will smoke. Because of my spectacular lapse last week, I decide to stay home and watch a film. Anyone who knows will realise that this is very unusual behaviour for me. Normally eliciting such responses as: 'Are you not well?'

A friend turns up very unexpectedly in the middle of the evening. So, with a change of plan we go for a meal. I am still very aware that food is tasting much better. We are in my favourite Italian place and I have some of the best cannelloni I have ever eaten. I am aware that I can taste the individual ingredients: Pumpkin, tomato, pine nuts etc. I hope that I never take for granted how much stronger things taste now. It is almost like the have brighter colour after being faded and nearly black and white.

Day 19 - The Go! Team

One of the perks of my job is tickets, or VIP lists to some spectacular shows and events. In fact, as I am a very social animal, it is a prime motivator for doing a lot of the work I do.

Tonight is no exception. This afternoon I am bouncing around the office as I have tickets to see the Go! Team at the ICA. I've seen them at Koko, next door to my work and it was mental. The walls were practically bending in sympathy to the music and the dancing.

This time, they are playing in a much smaller and more intimate venue.

I meet my friend at a bar near Charing Cross Road. It is a lovely evening and we have a glass of wine and a cigarette outside… oh noooooo…

The Go! Team are fabulous. We sit on the steps of The Mall afterwards to calm down a little before heading into Soho.

I lapse once again. I realise, even as I am working my way through my friend's packet of cigarettes, that I still have a bit more will power to muster, and time without cigarettes before I can come out on a wild night and not smoke.

Day 18

I really rocked the boat the other day. After just over two weeks of not smoking, I had one evening of being my 'old' self. However, two days later, I have my full confidence back. I still don't want a cigarette and I'm looking forward again.

Day 17

My throat is rough today. I had five cigarettes last night - along with wine, beer and loud talking.

Last night I was worried that I would want to smoke again today. However, I do a mental check. Brain to body: Cigarettes? Body to brain: No way, José!

I am safe. I feel rough, but at least I don't have that nagging cigarette thing again.

I go for a run. I need to clear my lungs out. I can feel that old feeling in my body - like there is smoke in my bloodstream, or something. I realise that I've actually been feeling a lot better than I thought, but the change has been gradual over a few weeks so I didn't really notice it.

Day 16 - My spectacular downfall!

In a week or so time, I am taking performing in a big party. Tonight I have a small practice session at home with my friend. He arrives with the obligatory 'home rehearsal bottle of wine'.

I have two glasses whilst practising when I realise that I would like a cigarette. My friend and I discuss the issue for a few moments before going into the garden to smoke. The weather is horrendous. What has been an ominously dark sky all afternoon breaks into torrential black rain. We are huddled under an umbrella. Anyone who has ever attempted to hold an umbrella, a glass of wine and a cigarette will know what an unsatisfying experience this is!

We continue to play and I am a little disappointed with myself as I feel smoky and it affects my singing (I've regained the top range of my voice again, which I lost when I was about 17. I thought it was because I was getting older and my voice was getting deeper, but I now know that it must've just been the cigarettes).

After our rehearsal, we go to a local pub. I already know this will be a bad idea. However, it is unavoidable as a good friend who has been away for long time is there as well as some other friends who rarely manage to congregate together.

We are under the marquee in the garden. I have a pint of very fine ale. I have one cigarette… two… three… four… five…

I am very aware that I am smoking. Not only am I smoking, but I am smoking almost the way I did with my old habit. I also notice that I have this perverse desire to dip my cigarettes in my beer and eat them.

Day 15 - Two weeks done - Carrots are great!

Two weeks done! It has flown by. In fact, apart from the days numbered at the top of this blog, I'm not really counting off the no smoking days any more. That must be a good sign - that I am not thinking 'I have not had a cigarette for x amount of days', but that I am just moving forward and thinking about normal things again.

Today I am back at my old workplace. The smoking ban is in place and I don't expect people to be smoking around me and making me want cigarettes. I have my carrots - and celery! I have juice and a bag of cashew nuts. I'm not a health freak, by any stretch, but these are the things that help me not think about cigarettes. I read somewhere that when you stop smoking, your appetite comes back. It did with me, ferociously! I knew that if I started eating junk food snacks, that I'd feel sick and start to put weight on. The funny thing is, that my taste has come back. Chocolate bars (as in cheap snack bars) taste completely disgusting now. They are so sugary and bland. Whereas carrots have become these wonderful snack bars for me!

Sunflower seeds are supposed to have something in them that helps replace nicotine. Please don't quote me on that (my friend told me and she is an artist - not a scientist!), but it is clear that having nibbly foods really helps the appetite and the habit of what to do with your hands.

Day 14 - The Smoking Ban

Today the smoking ban comes in. No longer is it permitted to smoke in public restaurants, bars, clubs, cafés work places and more. Smoking bans are not a new thing. In 1590, Pope Urban VII' introduced the world's first known public smoking ban. Anyone who "took tobacco in the porchway of or inside a church, whether it be by chewing it, smoking it with a pipe or sniffing it in powdered form through the nose" would be excommunicated.

Today's smoking ban carries equally severe penalty of up to £200 for lighting up in the wrong place. There is no pleading ignorance either as hundreds of ugly no smoking signs have been stuck to windows of your favourite going out spots.

How do I feel? Well, my opinion is that the law is a little severe - that smoking is a personal choice and that it would be fair to have some places - private clubs, where people can do as they see fit. I could throw in that car fumes - which are also toxic will never be banned will they? Living in London, I have no choice but to breathe them.

Anyway, without wishing to open a can of worms on the subject, it is actually rather pleasant going into a café today and not walking into a wall of fuggy smoke when I get a drink.

The smoking ban must surely be positive in the long run - that it will kick start many people into kicking the habit and getting healthier.

I do wish all those ugly no smoking signs would come down, though. They really are unnecessary.

Day 13 - band practice

I play in a lovely band called Mitzi Caspar. We are three girls and one boy playing ukulele, keyboard, melodica, drums, acoustic bass and singing harmonies. If that sounds up your alley, then why not visit our myspace and come and see us play? www.myspace.com/mitzicaspar

Anyway, band rehearsals are traditional hotbeds for naughty and rebellious behaviour. These often involve smoking cigarettes, saying rude words very loudly and drinking far too much tea. Sometimes we play music too.

I crossed London, South West to North East. In the rain. Alighting at Clapton Pond after having traversed the whole length of the 38 bus route, from Victoria. It really is an epic journey!

I arrive at the rehearsal a little late and a little flustered. Normally, depending on the day or time of a rehearsal, someone will give you a cup of tea, or a bottle of beer. Of course, this is naturally accompanied by a cigarette and a chat. I knew I couldn't have either drink and not have a cigarette. I was feeling a touch… tetchy. As if someone might say the wrong thing and I'd bite their head off. Luckily, this band is very motivated and we get straight into our lovely music and I forget cigarettes even exist…

Day 12 - A day in the country

Today I visit Hever Castle in Kent. Getting out of the city and into the wide open countryside feels great. The weather is a mixture of sunshine and those wonderfully big fluffy clouds that then pour hard for twenty minutes at a time. In short, a fairly ordinary English day out in the country! The gardens are lush, if damp and the rain has brought out the smell of the tudor roses. I am aware that my sense of smell is much better. The air so clean and smells sweet. I can smell certain flowers from a good 30 metres away downwind!

The castle is followed by a visit to a lovely old country pub on a hill side. There is a man smoking a huge cigar right by the door. I can barely breathe entering and the smell permeated the whole place.

The pub is on the edge of a hillside and has a wonderful view down into a valley. Sitting n the garden, I have a pint of 'proper' local English ale. I also have half a roll up…

I have to admit, I really enjoyed it, but after half, I'd had enough and put it down. I am aware of feeling 'smoky' through the afternoon and that I cannot smell things as well as earlier in the day.

I am a little bit wary that it might make me want to start smoking again, but I know that I am still resolved.

I read that it is not unusual for people to lapse and have a cheeky few puffs when they are quitting. Some of my frinds have admitted this happening in the first few months. They all, however gave the advice of not to tell anyone as you'll get a hard time. As I have no secrets here, writing this blog, I have to agree! Everyone get off my back! ;-)

Day 11

I am on my second day in my old job environment. After yesterday's complete confidence in not having a cigarette, I still feel strong today. Everyone is very supportive. Maybe this because lots of people traditionally smoke in the music business, but many people have already quit at my work and know what it is like. I do feel like I am amongst understanding people.

There are only a few smokers left in the whole building. They really look like outcasts going off together into the street. I feel slightly envious of missing out on any jokes or gossip that might be going about, but even the thought of smelling cigarette smoke right now puts me off.

For those of you in the Lambeth area wanting to start a quit smoking group at work should try the 'Work Buddy' scheme. Have a look at www.findwillpower.com for details. Basically, it is a scheme that helps several people quit together. This is the best way at work if there are several of you. You can motivate one another. They'll send you a newsletter that gives advice etc. on quitting. Not only that, if you sign up, you get a set of rather fetching Will Power mugs!

Day 10

Today I am working at my old company covering holidays for another member of staff. I am very aware that my daily routine would be to start the day with a coffee and a cigarette with my friends on the back terrace and discuss staff, or music industry gossip.

I get to work and everyone is having coffee and of course gossiping outside… I am still not drinking coffee as I know if I have a cup, I'll just want a cigarette with it.

I make everyone laugh as I have bought a giant bag of organic carrots as my 'cigarette substitute'. However, an hour later, all my friends are asking me if they can have a carrot!

The trick works. I always find that i have a cigarette at work if I feel a bit peckish. If I have a carrot, it staves off the hunger and I don't want a cigarette!

I'm not saying it'll work for you, but having (healthy) snack foods nearby really does help if you are stuck in an office. Smoking cigarettes kills your appetite, so when you stop, you have to eat more.

I've been eating bananas, carrots, celery sticks, sunflower seeds (which apparently have something in them that actually substitutes the need for nicotine), pumpkin seeds and cashew nuts.

Some of you must be thinking that all that stuff is rabbit food, but you know what? When your sense of taste comes back, there really is nothing better than a carrot to snack on. Ask anyone at my work, they now agree!

Day 9 - The fallen angel!

I had a cigarette today.

I had a weird day. I broke my laptop screen. It is going to cost a fortune to fix and of course, the insurance company wriggled out of paying for it. I took it in my stride at first, but got more annoyed about it through the day. It was my fault, admittedly. I watched a movie last night on the laptop whilst in bed (instead of going out and having some beers and cigarettes!). I fell asleep and knocked the laptop off the bed.

I was supposed to go and see a friend DJ in Brick Lane tonight, but I cancelled at the last minute as I was feeling a bit agitated. I knew that if I went and had something to drink, that I would smoke. In the end I did smoke anyway. I deliberately left the house and walked to the shop to buy some. I stood in the shop having second thoughts. I asked myself what I was doing - that I was spoiling the 9 good days I've had so far. I thought that I might set a precedent and that if I keep doing this, I won't really be giving up at all.

I bought some cigarettes. If I could of bought one (a 'loosie' - anyone remember them?) I would have. I made a big deal of going and sitting on a park bench by a pond. I lit the cigarette. It was horrible. I could really taste the tar - like when you pass roadworks, or when a roof is being pitched - the same smell and taste. I smoked the whole cigarette all the same. I had a slight regret that I didn't smoke it with a glass of wine.

I walked home with my throat feeling rough. I was already resolved not to have another one. Even now, writing this, though, my throat is burning. I've put the rest of the packet in a kitchen drawer out of the way. Now I have to do the '24 hour thing' again - and not smoke tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be fine. Luckily, I have a pretty busy day, so I'll be occupied.

Day 8 - first week done - hurrah!

So, that's one week done. I've stayed in. I've saved at least £40 on cigarettes and who knows what on not drinking!

I am very proud of myself. And, you know what? It was easier than I thought. It was harder being on the 'other side', saying 'I'm going to quite soon…'. But once you actually get your motivation and will power going - it becomes - not plain sailing, but an interesting cruise…

People are starting to ask me: Do you feel better? I don't really. Not physically. I can feel that my body is changing and adapting. Especially as I have stopped drinking coffee, beer and anything I associate with cigarettes. My appetite is better. I've put on a little weight, and have cut down on all those nuts I was eating last week. Now I'm still eating nuts, but also munching carrots, celery and apples. I seem to need crunchy things!

The best bit of how I feel is in my head. It seems… quieter. No more nagging from Mr Nicotine. I seem to be able to think a little more clearly. I feel more confident. Smoking was the one habit/addiction I was scared of not being able to kick. That somehow, I am not completely in charge of my own body. I know I am now.

Day 7 - Band rehearsal… danger!

I have a rehearsal with my new band Mitzi Caspar (www.myspace.com/mitzicaspar - ruthless self promotion, I know!). We are a very dedicated band and we storm through our rehearsal.

Being in a band normally has smoking associations - smoking is very common in that kind of social environment. I feel lucky that the rest of the band either don't smoke, or smoke only very occasionally. Either way, the practice room is a no smoking zone anyway.

As I leave the rehearsal, I have that automatic thought - that now is the time for a cigarette because the work is done. I dismiss the thought. I don't feel I want, or need a cigarette, but I make a mental note that I am still thinking about them (it is hard not to when I am writing this blog!!! However, I do think getting all my thoughts down here is an interesting part of the process. Writing about it doesn't make me want a cigarette, but it is helping me to understand my old smoking habit).

Day 6 - The perfect Saturday goes a bit awry…

It is Saturday. I wake up in the golden sunlight. I have slept well. The cat is already stretched out on the windowsill. I love Saturday mornings. I have no plans until the afternoon. Like a TV advert I play out my morning in my mind: Get up, read the weekend papers in the bath, then have a coffee and a cigarette in the garden…

My perfect Saturday TV advert rewinds rapidly at this point. Oh bugger, I think. No cigarette! I suddenly feel sulky. I am quickly thinking of a plan B for my new non smoking lifestyle. I can't really think of a substitute, so I just get up straight away and go out onto the common for some exercise, fresh air and sunshine.

I go for a really big run. I do way more stretches and exercises than I normally do. I take my time to look at the ducks on the pond and just enjoy being outdoors and watching all the people and wildlife.

When I get back home, I am still thinking about how I wanted a cigarette this morning. I no longer want one, but somehow a walk/run in the park doesn't seem an ideal substitute for a lazy morning with the papers and a cup of coffee.

Anyone got any ideas?

Day 5 - Friday night

It is Friday night. I decide to stay in. If I go out…

I still haven't had any cravings for cigarettes. I am pleased about that. I am still very resolved and determined.

I've got a good DVD and I potter in my pyjamas all evening. So there, I've shattered the rock n roll lifestyle illusion that I am normally associated with!

I do begin to wonder whether not smoking is turning me into a boring person… I have hardly seen my friends for days.

Then I remember why I am stopping. See the beginning of my diary for some of the reasons.

I said before that I wouldn't give any advice about quitting as each person will motivate their willpower in their own way. Here's a suggestion however:

Write down all the reasons you want to stop smoking. If you get a few days down the line and feel tempted to start again, or just have one (which we know is going to make us want more), then read your list and think about whether you really want one.

Day 4 - Feeling ratty!

I feel a bit ratty today for a little while. I can feel something in my body. It is like the effect o cigarettes is still draining out of me. It is making me feel different and think different. It isn't a bad feeling and it isn't good either - just a change.

I stay in and watch a DVD. This is unusual behaviour for me as I tend to have that 'It is nearly the weekend' feeling and I'm usually out seeing friends or a band on a Thursday night.

However, I don't feel the need to smoke and to be honest, once I get into the movie, I feel like I am giving my body a well deserved rest, and feel very… relaxed.

Day 3 - Feeling funny

I am still feeling resolved. I don't want a cigarette. I don't have any cravings, but I am aware that I have recently stopped smoking.

I learn that nicotine - the active addictive chemical in tobacco (although if you saw the list of cigarette ingredients in the last post, you'll be wondering, like me, where there is room for the 'natural' chemicals from tobacco leaves) - is water soluble. This means that the addictive chemical in cigarettes will 'wash out' of your body within a day or two.

This seems to mean that you stop being chemically addicted to cigarettes after just a few days. The reality is different due to ther 'oil based' chemicals - and more addictive ingredients. Formaldehyde (which is a known carcinogen - it has been proved that it causes cancer), for example, coats the inside of your throat and lungs.

Whatever is going on in my body, I do feel a bit funny today. I feel a bit spaced out and dreamy (remember, I've had no caffeine or alcohol too!). In the evening, I have a meeting with some friends. They offer me a beer. I have to think about it. I feel like I could probably have a beer and not want a cigarette, but I don't wish to risk it. I am on a roll. Three days and no cigarettes. I'm quietly proud of myself. I say no to the beer. As is usual in Britain, if you say no to an alcoholic drink, people look at you like you are mad! My friends give me the 'are you well?' look.

However, I tell them that I have stopped smoking and they seem to understand. The next day I get an email from one of them saying how good I was not smoking throughout the evening. This makes me feel pretty good and makes my willpower even stronger for the day.

Day 2 - Feeling nutty

24 hours done. It wasn't so bad, actually. In fact, it seemed harder when I was smoking - saying I'm going to quit. When you have really decided to do it, you don't want a cigarette very much. Willpower working.

I've given myself a good few hours spare to myself in the morning. I make a point of going to my local park. The weather is gorgeous and I go for a run. My chest definitely doesn't feel as tight today as it normally does. I think it might be just me thinking that I'm suddenly healthy because I haven't had a cigarette for over 24 hours, but I am sure I am running faster. I'm certainlyt enjoying exercising and relaxing in the park, anyway!

A big thing about smoking is that it is something to do with your hands (unless you are some kind of cool catr from a Chicago gangster film and has a cigarette permanently stuck to your lip. I tried it, but I just get smoke in my eye). I do some drawing and scribbling and doodles, which helps. The other thing I have is a big apettite today. I have a craving. Not for cigarettes, but for nuts! Specifically, I want cashew nuts - unsalted and raw. The local supermarket has some, but it is a tiny bag and very expensive. I find an indian cash and carry place that has kilo bags for almost the same price! I think my 'price checking nut mission' was just a way of keeping myself occupied.

It seems a little crazy in retrospect, but I think stopping smoking does make you a little… unhinged for a few days. You have to remember that there are over 4000 chemicals released when you smoke a cigarette. We all know about the nicotine and tar. Because of the health warnings (in the UK, at least), we also know about the carbon monoxide (this is the gas that kills people when gas heaters are faulty). Your body takes some time to readjust.

Cigarettes affect more parts of the body than almost any other drug. After doing a bit of research for this blog, I discovered that cigarettes are more dangerous than Heroin. Yeah, that surprised me too. I'm not a health expert and this blog is only supposed to be about my experience giving up. However, for the sake of interest, I found this list of chemicals that can be found in cigarettes. There are things on there that are normal foos stuffs, but the rest… Hydrogen Cyanide? If any of you paid attention to History lessons at school, Hydrogen Cyanide went under the name Zyklon B in WWII and is a chemical warfare weapon. I'm not trying get you to quit by scaring you out of your wits, but these are the facts, people!

Acetanisole
Acetic Acid
Acetoin
Acetophenone
6-Acetoxydihydrotheaspirane
2-Acetyl-3- Ethylpyrazine
2-Acetyl-5-Methylfuran
Acetylpyrazine
2-Acetylpyridine
3-Acetylpyridine
2-Acetylthiazole
Aconitic Acid
dl-Alanine
Alfalfa Extract
Allspice Extract,Oleoresin, and Oil
Allyl Hexanoate
Allyl Ionone
Almond Bitter Oil
Ambergris Tincture
Ammonia
Ammonium Bicarbonate
Ammonium Hydroxide
Ammonium Phosphate Dibasic
Ammonium Sulfide
Amyl Alcohol
Amyl Butyrate
Amyl Formate
Amyl Octanoate
alpha-Amylcinnamaldehyde
Amyris Oil
trans-Anethole
Angelica Root Extract, Oil and Seed Oil
Anise
Anise Star, Extract and Oils
Anisyl Acetate
Anisyl Alcohol
Anisyl Formate
Anisyl Phenylacetate
Apple Juice Concentrate, Extract, and Skins
Apricot Extract and Juice Concentrate
1-Arginine
Asafetida Fluid Extract And Oil
Ascorbic Acid
1-Asparagine Monohydrate
1-Aspartic Acid

Balsam Peru and Oil
Basil Oil
Bay Leaf, Oil and Sweet Oil
Beeswax White
Beet Juice Concentrate
Benzaldehyde
Benzaldehyde Glyceryl Acetal
Benzoic Acid, Benzoin
Benzoin Resin
Benzophenone
Benzyl Alcohol
Benzyl Benzoate
Benzyl Butyrate
Benzyl Cinnamate
Benzyl Propionate
Benzyl Salicylate
Bergamot Oil
Bisabolene
Black Currant Buds Absolute
Borneol
Bornyl Acetate
Buchu Leaf Oil
1,3-Butanediol
2,3-Butanedione
1-Butanol
2-Butanone
4(2-Butenylidene)-3,5,5-Trimethyl-2-Cyclohexen-1-One
Butter, Butter Esters, and Butter Oil
Butyl Acetate
Butyl Butyrate
Butyl Butyryl Lactate
Butyl Isovalerate
Butyl Phenylacetate
Butyl Undecylenate
3-Butylidenephthalide
Butyric Acid

Cadinene
Caffeine
Calcium Carbonate
Camphene
Cananga Oil
Capsicum Oleoresin
Caramel Color
Caraway Oil
Carbon Dioxide
Cardamom Oleoresin, Extract, Seed Oil, and Powder
Carob Bean and Extract
beta-Carotene
Carrot Oil
Carvacrol
4-Carvomenthenol
1-Carvone
beta-Caryophyllene
beta-Caryophyllene Oxide
Cascarilla Oil and Bark Extract
Cassia Bark Oil
Cassie Absolute and Oil
Castoreum Extract, Tincture and Absolute
Cedar Leaf Oil
Cedarwood Oil Terpenes and Virginiana
Cedrol
Celery Seed Extract, Solid, Oil, And Oleoresin
Cellulose Fiber
Chamomile Flower Oil And Extract
Chicory Extract
Chocolate
Cinnamaldehyde
Cinnamic Acid
Cinnamon Leaf Oil, Bark Oil, and Extract
Cinnamyl Acetate
Cinnamyl Alcohol
Cinnamyl Cinnamate
Cinnamyl Isovalerate
Cinnamyl Propionate
Citral
Citric Acid
Citronella Oil
dl-Citronellol
Citronellyl Butyrate
itronellyl Isobutyrate
Civet Absolute
Clary Oil
Clover Tops, Red Solid Extract
Cocoa
Cocoa Shells, Extract, Distillate And Powder
Coconut Oil
Coffee
Cognac White and Green Oil
Copaiba Oil
Coriander Extract and Oil
Corn Oil
Corn Silk
Costus Root Oil
Cubeb Oil
Cuminaldehyde
para-Cymene
1-Cysteine

Dandelion Root Solid Extract
Davana Oil
2-trans, 4-trans-Decadienal
delta-Decalactone
gamma-Decalactone
Decanal
Decanoic Acid
1-Decanol
2-Decenal
Dehydromenthofurolactone
Diethyl Malonate
Diethyl Sebacate
2,3-Diethylpyrazine
Dihydro Anethole
5,7-Dihydro-2-Methylthieno(3,4-D) Pyrimidine
Dill Seed Oil and Extract
meta-Dimethoxybenzene
para-Dimethoxybenzene
2,6-Dimethoxyphenol
Dimethyl Succinate
3,4-Dimethyl-1,2 Cyclopentanedione
3,5- Dimethyl-1,2-Cyclopentanedione
3,7-Dimethyl-1,3,6-Octatriene
4,5-Dimethyl-3-Hydroxy-2,5-Dihydrofuran-2-One
6,10-Dimethyl-5,9-Undecadien-2-One
3,7-Dimethyl-6-Octenoic Acid
2,4 Dimethylacetophenone
alpha,para-Dimethylbenzyl Alcohol
alpha,alpha-Dimethylphenethyl Acetate
alpha,alpha Dimethylphenethyl Butyrate
2,3-Dimethylpyrazine
2,5-Dimethylpyrazine
2,6-Dimethylpyrazine
Dimethyltetrahydrobenzofuranone
delta-Dodecalactone
gamma-Dodecalactone

para-Ethoxybenzaldehyde
Ethyl 10-Undecenoate
Ethyl 2-Methylbutyrate
Ethyl Acetate
Ethyl Acetoacetate
Ethyl Alcohol
Ethyl Benzoate
Ethyl Butyrate
Ethyl Cinnamate
Ethyl Decanoate
Ethyl Fenchol
Ethyl Furoate
Ethyl Heptanoate
Ethyl Hexanoate
Ethyl Isovalerate
Ethyl Lactate
Ethyl Laurate
Ethyl Levulinate
Ethyl Maltol
Ethyl Methyl Phenylglycidate
Ethyl Myristate
Ethyl Nonanoate
Ethyl Octadecanoate
Ethyl Octanoate
Ethyl Oleate
Ethyl Palmitate
Ethyl Phenylacetate
Ethyl Propionate
Ethyl Salicylate
Ethyl trans-2-Butenoate
Ethyl Valerate
Ethyl Vanillin
2-Ethyl (or Methyl)-(3,5 and 6)-Methoxypyrazine
2-Ethyl-1-Hexanol, 3-Ethyl -2 -Hydroxy-2-Cyclopenten-1-One
2-Ethyl-3, (5 or 6)-Dimethylpyrazine
5-Ethyl-3-Hydroxy-4-Methyl-2(5H)-Furanone
2-Ethyl-3-Methylpyrazine
4-Ethylbenzaldehyde
4-Ethylguaiacol
para-Ethylphenol
3-Ethylpyridine
Eucalyptol

Farnesol
D-Fenchone
Fennel Sweet Oil
Fenugreek, Extract, Resin, and Absolute
Fig Juice Concentrate
Food Starch Modified
Furfuryl Mercaptan
4-(2-Furyl)-3-Buten-2-One

Galbanum Oil
Genet Absolute
Gentian Root Extract
Geraniol
Geranium Rose Oil
Geranyl Acetate
Geranyl Butyrate
Geranyl Formate
Geranyl Isovalerate
Geranyl Phenylacetate
Ginger Oil and Oleoresin
1-Glutamic Acid
1-Glutamine
Glycerol
Glycyrrhizin Ammoniated
Grape Juice Concentrate
Guaiac Wood Oil
Guaiacol
Guar Gum

2,4-Heptadienal
gamma-Heptalactone
Heptanoic Acid
2-Heptanone
3-Hepten-2-One
2-Hepten-4-One
4-Heptenal
trans -2-Heptenal
Heptyl Acetate
omega-6-Hexadecenlactone
gamma-Hexalactone
Hexanal
Hexanoic Acid
2-Hexen-1-Ol
3-Hexen-1-Ol
cis-3-Hexen-1-Yl Acetate
2-Hexenal
3-Hexenoic Acid
trans-2-Hexenoic Acid
cis-3-Hexenyl Formate
Hexyl 2-Methylbutyrate
Hexyl Acetate
Hexyl Alcohol
Hexyl Phenylacetate
1-Histidine
Honey
Hops Oil
Hydrolyzed Milk Solids
Hydrolyzed Plant Proteins
5-Hydroxy-2,4-Decadienoic Acid delta- Lactone
4-Hydroxy-2,5-Dimethyl-3(2H)-Furanone
2-Hydroxy-3,5,5-Trimethyl-2-Cyclohexen-1-One
4-Hydroxy -3-Pentenoic Acid Lactone
2-Hydroxy-4-Methylbenzaldehyde
4-Hydroxybutanoic Acid Lactone
Hydroxycitronellal
6-Hydroxydihydrotheaspirane
4-(para-Hydroxyphenyl)-2-Butanone
Hyssop Oil

Immortelle Absolute and Extract
alpha-Ionone
beta-Ionone
alpha-Irone
Isoamyl Acetate
Isoamyl Benzoate
Isoamyl Butyrate
Isoamyl Cinnamate
Isoamyl Formate, Isoamyl Hexanoate
Isoamyl Isovalerate
Isoamyl Octanoate
Isoamyl Phenylacetate
Isobornyl Acetate
Isobutyl Acetate
Isobutyl Alcohol
Isobutyl Cinnamate
Isobutyl Phenylacetate
Isobutyl Salicylate
2-Isobutyl-3-Methoxypyrazine
alpha-Isobutylphenethyl Alcohol
Isobutyraldehyde
Isobutyric Acid
d,l-Isoleucine
alpha-Isomethylionone
2-Isopropylphenol
Isovaleric Acid

Jasmine Absolute, Concrete and Oil

Kola Nut Extract

Labdanum Absolute and Oleoresin
Lactic Acid
Lauric Acid
Lauric Aldehyde
Lavandin Oil
Lavender Oil
Lemon Oil and Extract
Lemongrass Oil
1-Leucine
Levulinic Acid
Licorice Root, Fluid, Extract and Powder
Lime Oil
Linalool
Linalool Oxide
Linalyl Acetate
Linden Flowers
Lovage Oil And Extract
1-Lysine]

Mace Powder, Extract and Oil
Magnesium Carbonate
Malic Acid
Malt and Malt Extract
Maltodextrin
Maltol
Maltyl Isobutyrate
Mandarin Oil
Maple Syrup and Concentrate
Mate Leaf, Absolute and Oil
para-Mentha-8-Thiol-3-One
Menthol
Menthone
Menthyl Acetate
dl-Methionine
Methoprene
2-Methoxy-4-Methylphenol
2-Methoxy-4-Vinylphenol
para-Methoxybenzaldehyde
1-(para-Methoxyphenyl)-1-Penten-3-One
4-(para-Methoxyphenyl)-2-Butanone
1-(para-Methoxyphenyl)-2-Propanone
Methoxypyrazine
Methyl 2-Furoate
Methyl 2-Octynoate
Methyl 2-Pyrrolyl Ketone
Methyl Anisate
Methyl Anthranilate
Methyl Benzoate
Methyl Cinnamate
Methyl Dihydrojasmonate
Methyl Ester of Rosin, Partially Hydrogenated
Methyl Isovalerate
Methyl Linoleate (48%)
Methyl Linolenate (52%) Mixture
Methyl Naphthyl Ketone
Methyl Nicotinate
Methyl Phenylacetate
Methyl Salicylate
Methyl Sulfide
3-Methyl-1-Cyclopentadecanone
4-Methyl-1-Phenyl-2-Pentanone
5-Methyl-2-Phenyl-2-Hexenal
5-Methyl-2-Thiophenecarboxaldehyde
6-Methyl-3,-5-Heptadien-2-One
2-Methyl-3-(para-Isopropylphenyl) Propionaldehyde
5-Methyl-3-Hexen-2-One
1-Methyl-3Methoxy-4-Isopropylbenzene
4-Methyl-3-Pentene-2-One
2-Methyl-4-Phenylbutyraldehyde
6-Methyl-5-Hepten-2-One
4-Methyl-5-Thiazoleethanol
4-Methyl-5-Vinylthiazole
Methyl-alpha-Ionone
Methyl-trans-2-Butenoic Acid
4-Methylacetophenone
para-Methylanisole
alpha-Methylbenzyl Acetate
alpha-Methylbenzyl Alcohol
2-Methylbutyraldehyde
3-Methylbutyraldehyde
2-Methylbutyric Acid
alpha-Methylcinnamaldehyde
Methylcyclopentenolone
2-Methylheptanoic Acid
2-Methylhexanoic Acid
3-Methylpentanoic Acid
4-Methylpentanoic Acid
2-Methylpyrazine
5-Methylquinoxaline
2-Methyltetrahydrofuran-3-One
(Methylthio)Methylpyrazine (Mixture Of Isomers)
3-Methylthiopropionaldehyde
Methyl 3-Methylthiopropionate
2-Methylvaleric Acid
Mimosa Absolute and Extract
Molasses Extract and Tincture
Mountain Maple Solid Extract
Mullein Flowers
Myristaldehyde
Myristic Acid
Myrrh Oil
beta-Napthyl Ethyl Ether

Nerol
Neroli Bigarde Oil
Nerolidol
Nona-2-trans,6-cis-Dienal
2,6-Nonadien-1-Ol
gamma-Nonalactone
Nonanal
Nonanoic Acid
Nonanone
trans-2-Nonen-1-Ol
2-Nonenal
Nonyl Acetate
Nutmeg Powder and Oil

Oak Chips Extract and Oil
Oak Moss Absolute
9,12-Octadecadienoic Acid (48%) And 9,12,15-Octadecatrienoic Acid (52%)
delta-Octalactone
gamma-Octalactone
Octanal
Octanoic Acid
1-Octanol
2-Octanone
3-Octen-2-One
1-Octen-3-Ol
1-Octen-3-Yl Acetate
2-Octenal
Octyl Isobutyrate
Oleic Acid
Olibanum Oil
Opoponax Oil And Gum
Orange Blossoms Water, Absolute, and Leaf Absolute
Orange Oil and Extract
Origanum Oil
Orris Concrete Oil and Root Extract

Palmarosa Oil
Palmitic Acid
Parsley Seed Oil
Patchouli Oil
omega-Pentadecalactone
2,3-Pentanedione
2-Pentanone
4-Pentenoic Acid
2-Pentylpyridine
Pepper Oil, Black And White
Peppermint Oil
Peruvian (Bois De Rose) Oil
Petitgrain Absolute, Mandarin Oil and Terpeneless Oil
alpha-Phellandrene
2-Phenenthyl Acetate
Phenenthyl Alcohol
Phenethyl Butyrate
Phenethyl Cinnamate
Phenethyl Isobutyrate
Phenethyl Isovalerate
Phenethyl Phenylacetate
Phenethyl Salicylate
1-Phenyl-1-Propanol
3-Phenyl-1-Propanol
2-Phenyl-2-Butenal
4-Phenyl-3-Buten-2-Ol
4-Phenyl-3-Buten-2-One
Phenylacetaldehyde
Phenylacetic Acid
1-Phenylalanine
3-Phenylpropionaldehyde
3-Phenylpropionic Acid
3-Phenylpropyl Acetate
3-Phenylpropyl Cinnamate
2-(3-Phenylpropyl)Tetrahydrofuran
Phosphoric Acid
Pimenta Leaf Oil
Pine Needle Oil, Pine Oil, Scotch
Pineapple Juice Concentrate
alpha-Pinene, beta-Pinene
D-Piperitone
Piperonal
Pipsissewa Leaf Extract
Plum Juice
Potassium Sorbate
1-Proline
Propenylguaethol
Propionic Acid
Propyl Acetate
Propyl para-Hydroxybenzoate
Propylene Glycol
3-Propylidenephthalide
Prune Juice and Concentrate
Pyridine
Pyroligneous Acid And Extract
Pyrrole
Pyruvic Acid

Raisin Juice Concentrate
Rhodinol
Rose Absolute and Oil
Rosemary Oil
Rum
Rum Ether
Rye Extract

Sage, Sage Oil, and Sage Oleoresin
Salicylaldehyde
Sandalwood Oil, Yellow
Sclareolide
Skatole
Smoke Flavor
Snakeroot Oil
Sodium Acetate
Sodium Benzoate
Sodium Bicarbonate
Sodium Carbonate
Sodium Chloride
Sodium Citrate
Sodium Hydroxide
Solanone
Spearmint Oil
Styrax Extract, Gum and Oil
Sucrose Octaacetate
Sugar Alcohols
Sugars

Tagetes Oil
Tannic Acid
Tartaric Acid
Tea Leaf and Absolute
alpha-Terpineol
Terpinolene
Terpinyl Acetate
5,6,7,8-Tetrahydroquinoxaline
1,5,5,9-Tetramethyl-13-Oxatricyclo(8.3.0.0(4,9))Tridecane
2,3,4,5, and 3,4,5,6-Tetramethylethyl-Cyclohexanone
2,3,5,6-Tetramethylpyrazine
Thiamine Hydrochloride
Thiazole
1-Threonine
Thyme Oil, White and Red
Thymol
Tobacco Extracts
Tochopherols (mixed)
Tolu Balsam Gum and Extract
Tolualdehydes
para-Tolyl 3-Methylbutyrate
para-Tolyl Acetaldehyde
para-Tolyl Acetate
para-Tolyl Isobutyrate
para-Tolyl Phenylacetate
Triacetin
2-Tridecanone
2-Tridecenal
Triethyl Citrate
3,5,5-Trimethyl -1-Hexanol
para,alpha,alpha-Trimethylbenzyl Alcohol
4-(2,6,6-Trimethylcyclohex-1-Enyl)But-2-En-4-One
2,6,6-Trimethylcyclohex-2-Ene-1,4-Dione
2,6,6-Trimethylcyclohexa-1,3-Dienyl Methan
4-(2,6,6-Trimethylcyclohexa-1,3-Dienyl)But-2-En-4-One
2,2,6-Trimethylcyclohexanone
2,3,5-Trimethylpyrazine
1-Tyrosine
delta-Undercalactone
gamma-Undecalactone

Undecanal
2-Undecanone, 1
0-Undecenal
Urea

Valencene
Valeraldehyde
Valerian Root Extract, Oil and Powder
Valeric Acid
gamma-Valerolactone
Valine
Vanilla Extract And Oleoresin
Vanillin
Veratraldehyde
Vetiver Oil
Vinegar
Violet Leaf Absolute

Walnut Hull Extract
Water
Wheat Extract And Flour
Wild Cherry Bark Extract
Wine and Wine Sherry

Xanthan Gum
3,4-Xylenol

Yeast

Day 1 - I choose to be healthy

After several weeks of sort of giving up and cutting down - and telling everyone I'm going to stop, I finally put my foot down today.
It is a Monday. I've been partying all weekend. I feel good, and it feels like the right time. I've got loads of advice (see www.findwillpower.com for more info).

I'm not going to give anyone any advice how to quit. Everybody does it differently. Here I'm going to tell you about how I'm doing it, and pass on information that will help you. I have been learning some weird and wonderful techniques, so hang in there!

Stopping, quitting, ceasing, giving up… These words don't sit well with me. I prefer: Starting, going and doing. So, I took some advice from a friend. She says that when she stopped smoking, she made the choice: "I choose to be healthy". This wasn't just smoking, of course, but she realised that smoking was a key factor in this.

Everyday, she says: "I choose to be healthy", along with some other choices she has made about her life.

Today I tried it. I said it over and over in my head. Then I started arguing with myself and telling myself to stop saying it. I kept on, insisting that I say it until I didn't want a cigarette. I think I said it about twenty times.

I didn't want a cigarette all day after that. I was aware that I wasn't smoking, and I did have a little moment after dinner. I went to bed early with a good book and forgot about it pretty soon after. Day one done!

Why am I quitting?

Is it my imagination
Or have I finally found something worth living for?
I was looking for some action
But all I found was cigarettes and alcohol

You could wait for a lifetime
To spend your days in the sunshine
You might as well do the white line
Cos when it comes on top . . .

You gotta make it happen!

Is it worth the aggravation
To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?
It's a crazy situation
But all I need are cigarettes and alcohol!

You could wait for a lifetime
To spend your days in the sunshine
You might as well do the white line
Cos when it comes on top . . .

You gotta make it happen!

Cigarettes and Alcohol by Oasis

How hard can it be?

After smoking for 18 years, I've decided to quit. For 30 days. How hard can it be? I've put this day off for a long time. Tomorrow, I keep saying. Mañana sempré they say in spain: Tomorrow always. Well today IS tomorrow, so I'm quitting.

Why are you telling me this?

The reason I came up with the blog idea in the first place is that I wanted to give you a personal account, blow by blow of quitting smoking. I'm going to point you in the right direction for advice as the days go on, but it is up to you which advice you choose. I'm just going to write about how I feel. Hopefully, this blog is going to help someone give up too. If you find something in this blog that helps you, please add a comment!

I'm telling you that because I think it woud be a bit hypocritical of me to sit there with a fag in my face while I design a web site that helps you quit. I am a real person and I am really going to attempt to quit for 30 days.

Why are you quitting?

Well, apart from the the reason above, last year I was playing frisbee on a beach. I was playing with a friend and her both her parents. My friends mum and dad are in their sixties (I'm not saying that's old, but it is double my age!). They were running up and down the beach doing back hander catches and jumps. We played an energetic game for well over an hour. I thought they were cool. I realised that I'd like to be playing frisbee like that with my kids when I'm that age. So what is stopping me? Apart from not having any children yet, I am a reasonably fit person. I eat well. I do my best to get enough fresh fruit and veg everyday. I drink a lot of water. I'm by no means perfect (not by a looong shot!) but I know how to keep myself fairly healthy. I cycle, I run sometimes, but… I smoke. There are no two buts about it, it is not going to help me play frisbee on that beach with my kids in twenty or thirty years time (or my grandchildren for that matter!). So that was my moment. It's been another six months of procrastinating, but today is the day!

Everyday I'm going to post some thoughts and things I've learned. My friends think I am being a bit of a masochist. "How can you stop smoking if all you are doing is thinking about, talking about and writing about smoking? The answer? I don't know. I'm trying to find out more about this mysterious thing that I do, that has had a hold on me for 18 years. This nagging person; get up and have a cigarette with a coffee. Have a cigarette on the walk to work, or waiting for the bus. Have a cigarette mid morning and a chat out the back of the office. Cigarette after lunch, cigarette after dinner…

I can go without my other favourite things: Coffee, alcohol, hot sex ;-) etc. Days and days. Weeks even, it makes no difference. The thought of giving up cigarettes for more than 24 hours is extremely daunting. Why is that? Why do we smokers get a little panicky if we run out of cigaretes or tobacco?

I've been talking about smoking with everyone. Everyone has a different angle on smoking: I do it to relax; I like a cigarette with a pint; I do it because I'm bored. I've taken advice; watched films, read books. But hang on, I am still smoking! Everyone suggested the Alan Carr book (Alan Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking). I'm not going to read it. I'm a bit suspicious of anything with the word 'easy' and 'stop smoking' in the title. If the book has helped you, or another, please put a comment at the bottom to tell everyone.

Smoking is sexy

Smoking. I love it. It is sexy. Movie stars do it; Ava Gardner, Marlene Dietrich look smoulderingly sophisticated when elegantly holding a cigarette. It is a habit with its own special hand movements and body language.

But…

It also makes my chest burn when I've been out drinking and smoking all night. That scares me a bit.

Why do I smoke?

I've been having a think about why I smoke and what I might find difficult when I quit.

Cigarettes and alcohol: What makes this combination so good? Let's be honest now, a cigarette with a beer is one of life's fascinating little pleasures.

Cigarettes and coffee: I've stopped drinking so much coffee that I turn into a bodypopping psycho with Tourette's syndrome (Tourette's makes people swear uncontrollably and randomly), but I love my morning coffee, and with it, a cigarette. I'm nearly embarrassed to say this, but that for me is breakfast. I enjoy smoking so much, I almost want to eat cigarettes.

Cigarettes after dinner: I think that is going to be my hardest one to give up. You've had a nice bite to eat. You take a deep breath and lean back in the chair… cigarette time. Anyone have an idea about what I can do to take my mind of the after dinner cigarette?