Day 30

Well, this is the last day of the 'test'. It has been an incredible journey; watching myself, my habits over the last thirty days. Quitting smoking is in some ways very simple and in other ways it involves a complete upheaval of the way you think and act. For a smoker, cigarettes are insiduously integral to your life. Meaning: smoking is your girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner. It is always there to reassure you and to nag you!

I had three major lapses over the last thirty days. All involving going near alcohol. With a little hindsight, I would have not had any alcohol until I felt that I was in a 'safety zone' of not thinking about cigarettes being integral with drinking alcohol.

I have had many conversation in this time with people about smoking. Many of my friends are cutting down and quitting right now. Some as a result of reading this blog.

I'll admit, I'm not quite there. Over the next thirty days, I will be looking at Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT) as an option to help the habit. This includes chewing gum and patches. There are other options that include acupuncture and hypnotherapy.

I won't be maintaining this diary on a daily basis now, but I will post my results of alternative treatment I submit myself too. If I find a magic answer - you'll be the first to know!

You may post any comments and questions – I read them all and will offer pointers and advice if I am able (but please remember I am not a doctor and can only offer advice or information based on my own experience).

Don't forget to look at: www.findwillpower.com for more information on NRT as well as events.

I hope you have enjoyed and benefitted from reading this diary as much as I have enjoyed writing about it.

If there is one piece of advice that I can give, it is that stopping smoking takes willpower. You have to really want to quit and think about ways that will help you stay out of danger areas.

Good Luck!

Day 26 - poncing cigarettes

It is the weekend. My epic hangover from Thursday night still lingers. As I write this, (on Sunday) I can see my spectacular downfall. I am so close to the thirty day trial, but I have broken my own '24 hour rule'. I know that this means that I haven't fundamentally broken the smoking habit. My willpower is at the lowest point for a month. Somehow, I have to re-motivate myself and get back on track.

I've been thinking ahead that I should stay well away from pubs, bars and alcohol until I'm really sure that I don't equate a pint of beer with a cigarette. I have been out for the occasional drink and not smoked, but after about two pints, or three glasses of wine, my self discipline seems to vanish and I end up poncing loads of cigarettes of anyone who will give me them. Embarrassing behaviour, indeed.

Day 25 - The hangover

I don't know how many cigarettes I smoked last night. My throat feels like it is full of wire wool and my lungs are burning. That isn't the worst bit though. I feel I've let myself down after doing so well. I think that after all the party preparation, I just wanted to let my hair down and enjoy myself. I could've done that without smoking - or maybe not smoking so much, but I just let the old hard drinking, hard smoking habit come right back. :-(

Day 24 - Mr Kite!

Today is a big day. Tonight is the big party that has been several months in the planning. The party is a circus style event, with rope dancers, Punch & Judy, burlesque and more!

I am taking part in several performances this evening. However, nerves get the better of me and I have a cigarette with a glass of wine to calm myself down. This proves a very bad move as, by the end of the night, I am wandering around asking people for cigarettes.

Day 23 - Day before the big party!

It is the day before the big party. Smoking-wise, I feel a little… doomed. I am already thinking ahead that I will smoke at the party. It isn't a positive thought, but I can't break it. I'm working out a damage limitation plan, but I can't really think of anything - especially with all the preparations taking place today. At least I'm not smoking today!

Day 22 - Running about!

Today I have many errands. In two days time is a big circus event I am involved with. My shopping list includes riding jodpurs, top hats and false moustaches.

All this activity is good for not smoking. I do think about cigarettes occassionally, but just in a way that I am watching myself and not because I actually want one. Being busy with activities is definitely part of the key to not smoking!

Day 21 - driving

I have a '24 hour rule'. That is, if I do smoke whilst on my trial stop smoking, then I must not smoke the next day. That is my only rule.

After my second freefall into Smoketown on Friday, I have comfortably negotiated the rest of the weekend without cigarettes.

Monday feels quite positive. For me it is a time when I can get busy again and away from the party lifestyle - that I really need right now if I am going to stop smoking properly.

However, I had a think over the weekend. As I mention at the beginning of this blog, I enjoy smoking. I really do and that still holds true. Some people turn their noses up at this and say that it is a disgusting, yucky, smelly habit. I agree. I still like it and I don't see how anyone is going to change that!

Here lies a problem. I never want to go back to being a habitual smoker. I am asking myself, can I have the occasional cigarette? Well, that is how I started again when I quit before.

Some of my friends can do this. They have one or two cigarettes at a party and don't smoke for months on end.

This is dangerous ground. I am not fully committed to not smoking. I am committed to not being a habitual smoker - there is big difference.