Why am I quitting?

Is it my imagination
Or have I finally found something worth living for?
I was looking for some action
But all I found was cigarettes and alcohol

You could wait for a lifetime
To spend your days in the sunshine
You might as well do the white line
Cos when it comes on top . . .

You gotta make it happen!

Is it worth the aggravation
To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?
It's a crazy situation
But all I need are cigarettes and alcohol!

You could wait for a lifetime
To spend your days in the sunshine
You might as well do the white line
Cos when it comes on top . . .

You gotta make it happen!

Cigarettes and Alcohol by Oasis

How hard can it be?

After smoking for 18 years, I've decided to quit. For 30 days. How hard can it be? I've put this day off for a long time. Tomorrow, I keep saying. Mañana sempré they say in spain: Tomorrow always. Well today IS tomorrow, so I'm quitting.

Why are you telling me this?

The reason I came up with the blog idea in the first place is that I wanted to give you a personal account, blow by blow of quitting smoking. I'm going to point you in the right direction for advice as the days go on, but it is up to you which advice you choose. I'm just going to write about how I feel. Hopefully, this blog is going to help someone give up too. If you find something in this blog that helps you, please add a comment!

I'm telling you that because I think it woud be a bit hypocritical of me to sit there with a fag in my face while I design a web site that helps you quit. I am a real person and I am really going to attempt to quit for 30 days.

Why are you quitting?

Well, apart from the the reason above, last year I was playing frisbee on a beach. I was playing with a friend and her both her parents. My friends mum and dad are in their sixties (I'm not saying that's old, but it is double my age!). They were running up and down the beach doing back hander catches and jumps. We played an energetic game for well over an hour. I thought they were cool. I realised that I'd like to be playing frisbee like that with my kids when I'm that age. So what is stopping me? Apart from not having any children yet, I am a reasonably fit person. I eat well. I do my best to get enough fresh fruit and veg everyday. I drink a lot of water. I'm by no means perfect (not by a looong shot!) but I know how to keep myself fairly healthy. I cycle, I run sometimes, but… I smoke. There are no two buts about it, it is not going to help me play frisbee on that beach with my kids in twenty or thirty years time (or my grandchildren for that matter!). So that was my moment. It's been another six months of procrastinating, but today is the day!

Everyday I'm going to post some thoughts and things I've learned. My friends think I am being a bit of a masochist. "How can you stop smoking if all you are doing is thinking about, talking about and writing about smoking? The answer? I don't know. I'm trying to find out more about this mysterious thing that I do, that has had a hold on me for 18 years. This nagging person; get up and have a cigarette with a coffee. Have a cigarette on the walk to work, or waiting for the bus. Have a cigarette mid morning and a chat out the back of the office. Cigarette after lunch, cigarette after dinner…

I can go without my other favourite things: Coffee, alcohol, hot sex ;-) etc. Days and days. Weeks even, it makes no difference. The thought of giving up cigarettes for more than 24 hours is extremely daunting. Why is that? Why do we smokers get a little panicky if we run out of cigaretes or tobacco?

I've been talking about smoking with everyone. Everyone has a different angle on smoking: I do it to relax; I like a cigarette with a pint; I do it because I'm bored. I've taken advice; watched films, read books. But hang on, I am still smoking! Everyone suggested the Alan Carr book (Alan Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking). I'm not going to read it. I'm a bit suspicious of anything with the word 'easy' and 'stop smoking' in the title. If the book has helped you, or another, please put a comment at the bottom to tell everyone.

Smoking is sexy

Smoking. I love it. It is sexy. Movie stars do it; Ava Gardner, Marlene Dietrich look smoulderingly sophisticated when elegantly holding a cigarette. It is a habit with its own special hand movements and body language.

But…

It also makes my chest burn when I've been out drinking and smoking all night. That scares me a bit.

Why do I smoke?

I've been having a think about why I smoke and what I might find difficult when I quit.

Cigarettes and alcohol: What makes this combination so good? Let's be honest now, a cigarette with a beer is one of life's fascinating little pleasures.

Cigarettes and coffee: I've stopped drinking so much coffee that I turn into a bodypopping psycho with Tourette's syndrome (Tourette's makes people swear uncontrollably and randomly), but I love my morning coffee, and with it, a cigarette. I'm nearly embarrassed to say this, but that for me is breakfast. I enjoy smoking so much, I almost want to eat cigarettes.

Cigarettes after dinner: I think that is going to be my hardest one to give up. You've had a nice bite to eat. You take a deep breath and lean back in the chair… cigarette time. Anyone have an idea about what I can do to take my mind of the after dinner cigarette?