In a week or so time, I am taking performing in a big party. Tonight I have a small practice session at home with my friend. He arrives with the obligatory 'home rehearsal bottle of wine'.
I have two glasses whilst practising when I realise that I would like a cigarette. My friend and I discuss the issue for a few moments before going into the garden to smoke. The weather is horrendous. What has been an ominously dark sky all afternoon breaks into torrential black rain. We are huddled under an umbrella. Anyone who has ever attempted to hold an umbrella, a glass of wine and a cigarette will know what an unsatisfying experience this is!
We continue to play and I am a little disappointed with myself as I feel smoky and it affects my singing (I've regained the top range of my voice again, which I lost when I was about 17. I thought it was because I was getting older and my voice was getting deeper, but I now know that it must've just been the cigarettes).
After our rehearsal, we go to a local pub. I already know this will be a bad idea. However, it is unavoidable as a good friend who has been away for long time is there as well as some other friends who rarely manage to congregate together.
We are under the marquee in the garden. I have a pint of very fine ale. I have one cigarette… two… three… four… five…
I am very aware that I am smoking. Not only am I smoking, but I am smoking almost the way I did with my old habit. I also notice that I have this perverse desire to dip my cigarettes in my beer and eat them.
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